"Molly" as I'll call her, a delightful 89 year old Sonoma County resident, had begun her holiday preparations! Despite her age and my understanding that she had advanced Alzheimer's, her plans were extensive!

Some of the highlights were:

1. Leisurely repainting her patio chairs purple!
2. Purchasing a counter top oven! (No longer do the new built-in ovens, fit into her oven area!)
3. Baking and decorating of holiday cookies!
4. Buying and decorating a small Christmas tree!
5. Sending invitations & preparing food for her holiday gathering!
6. Lighting her home with a few strands of small white holiday lights.
7. Drawing the designs to be used on her homemade Christmas cards.

It was my delight as one of her 24 hour live-in care partners to support her in outlining the above plans during the last week I worked with her November 24-27th in her home.

I was looking forward to returning to her home December 1st to continue the holiday preparations. After my radio program Friday evening, I returned home and picked up my messages. At that time I was informed NOT to come to Molly's the next day, but Monday morning for just two days instead of my regular 4 days work period. I immediately called to ask why!

I searched my mind for why I was being asked not to come to the residence as scheduled. Molly and I had moment after moment of JOY during the days we spent together. She loves participating in all that went on. In addition she enjoyed playing the piano and singing. Molly's daughter visited for Thanksgiving. During our time together we discussed many aspects of her mother's care and life. Seeing that she lives far away, others were involved in overseeing her mom locally. As I understand it the family had requested that several property items be handled and thus far they had not been addressed. We discussed this. In addition, I shared with her daughter some observations I had made about items Molly needed and household systems that needed to be initiated. And being a person of action, I began doing the little things I could for Molly.

Although I had been around individuals with Alzheimer's over the last 40 years, Molly taught me so much! She was so gentle and caring and fully lived in the NOW! At the end of each special activity we did together, she'd say "Help me to remember this!" SO, I gave her a spiral notebook for all of her notes! She loved writing down things to help her remember.

When we wanted to re-visit an activity, all I had to do was give her a 60 second overview of what we had done and she was ready to proceed! What I came to understand is that although she may forget what we had done, the feelings of JOY, PEACE AND HAPPINESS she felt while doing the projects, remained with her after the project ended and those feelings were carried forth moment to moment. And perhaps it was these happy feelings that easily carried her back to remembering the projects again and again.

Several conversations took place regarding my work with Molly and a meeting was set. At the end of 90 minutes, I was enthusiastically invited to work with other clients but NOT to return to Molly's residence. "I" was wanting too much for Molly that wasn't in the budget! I assured them that my intention was to support the family in getting the things done that they had wanted and simply be "new" eyes in the situation and handle the things that I felt would make life more comfortable and enjoyable for Molly. I SO applaud everyone for keeping Molly in her home, and I would never want to do anything to take her out of her home where she THRIVES!

However, I feel that it's so important that whoever is in charge of an elder, listen carefully to their desires and support them in having them carried out whenever possible. I deeply regret that those that hold the 'purse strings' were not at the meeting and they never spoke with me directly about how we might work together in Molly's best interest. Word had spread about my connection with Molly and I had received compliments such as, "I hear you are marvelous with Molly". However, in the end, it appears that my connection with Molly did not hold much weight in the decision about her care!

Then I asked about Molly's Christmas. Will she continue painting her chairs? Will her holiday plans be carried forth? Those present dismissed her plans and reminded me of her 'advanced Alzheimer's diagnosis", assuring me that she wouldn't remember the plans nor would she remember me!!!

I strongly believe that Molly had no VOICE in the decision made! The last thing Molly said as I left her room the last morning before my days off was: "It's ok to go, as long as you COME BACK"!

So, I ask, WHO WILL SPEAK FOR MOLLY IN THE FUTURE? In my opinion she needs a person to speak for her, independent of all parties involved! Those having conflicting interests should not be a voice for Molly! And if this is the experience of one person, who else in the 'system' has a VOICE not being heard?

Sharon Ann Wikoff

The above article was written by Sharon Ann Wikoff and reflects her opinion of the events she's witnessed and experienced. She's stepping forward and revealing this story with the intention that it will bring about a change of heart and a joy filled holiday for her beloved Molly.

Through the years Sharon has become an advocate for individuals, being the VOICE for the voiceless; First for her grandmother with dementia, some 40 years ago and then for individuals with cerebral palsy. Recently, her worked has focused on the ART of Listening 2 Children and she has had a column in the Gazette since September of 2006. However, with this new turn of events, she plans to revive her interest in elders and focus on their well-being also. Sharon can be contacted through the website: www.AuthenticWays.com or at (707) 543-6355.