Barrister Bits: how to change back to your maiden last name

Q: I noticed that you changed the name of your column—used to be called “Shark Bait” (I’m still adjusting to the new name—not quite sure if I like it). Anyway, I’d like to change my name back to my maiden name—how do I do this?
Signed: Maiden in Pursuit of Identity

Dear Maiden: Hope the new name of the community column, “Barrister Bits”, will grow on you. I was trying to capture a name that is professional (hence the reference to “Barrister”, an English term for lawyer) and still keep a sense of levity to the column (“Bits” of advice, blended with a swirl of humor and philosophy). Hopefully, the new name will be accepted by you and other readers.

Name changes are relatively simple, yet controlled by state statute (California Code of Civil Procedure sec. 1279.5 and Family Code sec. 2082). Bottom line: If you are in state prison, on parole, on probation, a convicted sex offender, or want to change your name to defraud creditors, you are out of luck. The law specifically prohibits a name change. But let’s say you just want to change your name because you were conceived during Woodstock and you are continually embarrassed when they announce over the loudspeaker, “Petal Moonglow, your car is ready”. You are in luck.

Generally, you have to first formulate the reason for the name change, as I assure you, the Judge will ask. Your request for a name change will likely be granted if your reason is to reconnect to your cultural heritage, to avoid embarrassment, to reclaim your maiden name (assuming it is not already ordered/granted in your divorce decree), or to realign your self-identity (think Muhammad Ali, who legally changed his name from Cassius Clay to honor his conversion to Sunni Islam).

Next, you need to file “paperwork” with the court in the county where you reside. Go to www.courtinfo.ca.gov and fill out no less than five forms—NC-100 (Petition for Change of Name) and its accompanying cousins (NC-110, NC-120, NC-130 and CM-010). If you are already overwhelmed, you may consider a Legal Document Preparation Service, which will complete the forms, but typically will not file the paperwork (or front the filing fee, which can be rather hefty, so ask the court clerk about a Fee-Waiver—if you are at a certain income, you may qualify). When you file the forms at our local courthouse, you should also request a hearing at least six weeks from the filing date…the same time it supposedly takes to develop a new, healthy habit and shed a old, unhealthy habit. Why six weeks? Well, you must also publish in a local newspaper once a week for four consecutive weeks an “Order to Show Cause (NC-120).

Once the paperwork is filed and the Notice is published, you will then appear before the Judge who will ask you why you are changing your name. You best have a legitimate answer. Then, voila, if granted, your new identity is assumed. But wait, you must then complete the circle of identity. You should then take the signed, approved Order in hand, and contact the “purveyors” of our Society—you know, Social Security Administration, DMV, banks, credit agencies, etc. Then, sit back and revel in your new identity, until the dust settles.

As Salman Rushdie so eloquently phrased, “Names, once they are in common use, quickly become mere sounds, their etymology being buried, like so many of the earth’s marvels, beneath the dust of habit”.

Float like a butterfly through the dust.

Debra A. Newby is a resident of Monte Rio and has practiced law for 29 years. She is a member of the California, Texas and Sonoma County Bar Associations and currently maintains an active law office in Santa Rosa. Her law practice emphasizes personal injury law (bicycle/motorcycle/motor vehicle accidents, dog bites, trip and falls, etc.) and expungements (clearing criminal records). Debra can be reached via email (debra@newbylawoffice.com), phone (707-526-7200), fax (526-7202) or pony express (930 Mendocino Avenue, Suite 101; Santa Rosa, 95401).

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Ask EcoGirl: the link between the environment and our health

Dear EcoGirl: The health care crisis is such a timely topic right now. Can an environmental perspective help provide solutions?
Signed, A Health Advocate

Dear Health Advocate: Ah, what a great question. Yes, I’ve been amazed that, amidst all the fierce health care debates, the environmental dimension is still largely being ignored, even given the clear connections between our high illness rates and exposure to environmental pollutants and everyday toxics.

Unfortunately, I feel that neglecting this issue has been a key reason that illness and medical costs have been escalating beyond what our culture can afford. However, addressing this harm can help us produce our much-needed breakthroughs in reducing both illness and health care expenses.

The Vital Link Between the Environment & Our Health
A key remedy then is for our mainstream health care system to embrace, in both policy and patient care, these essential truths connecting the environment and our shared health.

1) The environment is not “out there” but intimate with our bodies. It’s the water we drink, the food we eat, the air we breathe, the products we buy, and the surfaces we touch everywhere in our lives. All the toxics and pollutants that our culture produces travel around the globe, harming people and the planet along the way — including us.

2) Humanity’s pollutants are consistently found in everyone’s bodies, no matter how clean our lifestyle. Did we really imagine that we could pollute the earth and not poison ourselves?

3) Everyday toxics are contributing significantly to high rates of common diseases.
A study by Safer Chemicals Healthy Families (SCHF, www.safer chemicals.org) estimates that toxic chemicals cause 30% of childhood asthma cases, 10% of diabetes and Parkinson’s disease, and 5% of childhood cancer. Chronic diseases such as these affect half our population, generating 75% of health care costs and 70% of deaths.

4) Modest changes could drastically cut illness and costs. The Milken Institute estimates that small environmental and behavioral changes could cut 40 million chronic illness cases by 2023. SCHF calculates that trimming just 0.1% from medical costs would save $5 bilbillion a year. Pam Palitz of Environment California says, “Good chemical reform policy is good fiscal policy. We literally cannot afford the status quo when it comes to toxic chemical exposure.”

True Prevention
When today’s medical system talks about prevention, it usually just means early detection. However, health professionals and individuals can help millions of people actually avoid disease by taking committed action towards these three key eco-objectives.

1) Drastically reduce our individual and shared exposure to toxics and pollutants.
There are many effective (and often cheaper) ways to meet our needs at home, work, and play, without poisoning ourselves, our families, other creatures, and water supplies. (See my past columns for tips plus Health Care Without Harm, http://www.noharm.org/).

It’s also important to take community level action, such as improving toxics laws (see my Nov. 2009 column), encouraging cleaner manufacturing and energy production (including phasing out coal and nuclear power), and supporting health groups that address environmental factors (such as Breast Cancer Action, http://www.bcaction.org/).

2) Prioritize an eco-healthy diet, both in our lives and our hospitals (please!).
Much of what nurtures a healthy environment also nourishes individual health, including eating fresh whole foods, low on the food chain, and organic. Most mainstream food has been depleted and polluted by toxic farming practices. Studies show that choosing organic notably reduces dietary and environmental toxics, increases nutrients, and encourages less-toxic agriculture.

3) Integrate earth-friendly traditional healing as an equal partner. A wide variety of traditional natural modalities have been proven over generations to skillfully assess and adjust body imbalances early, with little or no side effects to ourselves or the planet. This gracefully maintains our wellness at a much lower cost, while avoiding pharmaceuticals’ harm to our environment and water supplies. For more about integrating Western and traditional approaches, plus other key system reforms, see Dr. Weil’s book Why Our Health Matters. I hope that these ideas inspire you to help heal our medical system by reweaving it with the earth again.

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Mitch Darnell's ADVICE on Good Goals

Hey Mitch,
I’ve started off 2010 pretty well. Forced myself to the gym. Eating MUCH better than I did over the last few months of ’09. But you know what? I do this every year, Mitch!

I have this “pattern”, I guess you’d call it. My friends say they all do the same thing! We set those resolutions, go for it, push, push, push… And then life catches up with us.

Mitch, how do we get ourselves out of this vicious cycle of bad habits, feeling like a pig (and a loser), then a good habits period (while work piles up), then back to the bad habits?!

I’m almost 40, Mitch. I have a LOT of experience with this challenge. I’ve read some great books, made charts and lists… I just always fall! ARGHH!! Do you have some words that might help me?

Trying But Failing,
Sacramento, CA

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dear Trying,

Funny story about a guy who’d never felt drawn to exercise – Suddenly “assigned” by his doc to do three weekly 25-minute cardio sessions. So, most unenthusiastically, he forced himself out of bed at 5:33 a.m. on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays to join a neighbor for morning jogs.

After a couple of weeks, I asked him how it was going. He told me he was enjoying “runner’s euphoria”! After I congratulated him, he finished his sentence with, “…on Tuesdays, Thursdays, Saturdays and Sundays!”

~ ~ ~ ~

SO MUCH of what we encounter are NOT the actual experiences or things in our lives, but the challenging/blocking terms we give them!

Take the term “eating better”. Suggests that someone not eating an extremely healthy diet is “bad” (versus “better”)! Do you think a term like “power eating” or “energy eating” might have a different effect, when trying to get there?

… Maybe those foods that aren’t on the “great for your health list” can be on the “reward food” list, or the “Saturday night food list”! There are NO “bad foods”; just foods that may need to be a more limited part of your diet for you to become your strongest self!

Not feeling compelled to hit the treadmill endlessly has no connection with the terms “loser” or “pig”! There are losers who are in great shape! Some of our greatest human beings have/had very “unhealthy” diets!

Remember “The Definition of Insanity”?!.. The only way to stop a perpetuating cycle is to GET OFF THE CYCLE!! Time to find a NEW approach!

NEVER long for the “old ways” or “how things used to be” – They weren’t as they now seem, and you are a stronger, smarter being! Every day is opportunity to seek life’s lessons, and to find new opportunities… New ways of living.

° Good Goals Are:

• Realistic (Not so hard to reach they require 100% commitment)

• A Stretch (Not so easy they aren’t interesting, nor rewarding when achieved)

• Specific and Measurable…

Example of A Poor Goal: “I’ll lose some weight this year”

A Good Goal: “I will lose 15 pounds by April first of this year”

ANOTHER Good Goal: “Instead of pushing to the gym, I’ll do something I enjoy

to get exercise!”

° Here’s some Resolutions EVERYONE should START with… And let the others follow!...

· LOVE yourself more this year than last year

· FORGIVE yourself for ALL mistakes you've made in the past

· FORGIVE others for ALL mistakes they've made in the past

· Remember you ARE “Good Enough”

· Remind yourself you “Have Enough”

· And, You have “Done Enough”!

° WHO are your resolutions with?! While our actions affect those we love, our commitments and integrity are first to ourselves.

° AND, your most powerful message:

Set your Resolutions as “Intentions” – Loving YOU… And then LET GO!

… You become powerful the moment you LET GO and trust a greater power…

Namaste,
Mitch

Mitch Darnell, MA, OM
Online: www.ForeverInspired.net
E-Mail: ForeverInspired@surewest.net

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Ask EcoGirl - Patricia Dines on Greening Your Resolutions

Dear EcoGirl: How can I include the earth in my New Year's resolutions?

Signed, Making a Plan

Dear Making a Plan: Thank you for your question. Yes, the new year offers us a handy time to step back and identify the changes we want to make in our lives. And it's smart to include caring for the earth among our intentions, because (1) the planet's well-being is key to our survival and the foundation of all we do; and (2) aligning with the earth can help us save money, be healthier, connect with others, and have more fun!

Here some example ways that you can eco-charge your New Year's resolutions. More about these and other useful actions is at www.askecogirl.info.

Resolution: Improve Your Health & Diet
Strategy: What's good for your body is often also good for the planet. Eating fresh whole local organic foods and less meat can help you lose weight, have more energy, avoid disease, and save money. Plus you'll reduce the eco-impacts of pesticides, packaging, industrial agriculture, and food transportation.
Action ideas:
• Explore recipes that get you excited about cooking from scratch with fresh produce and whole grains. You'll soon prefer it to processed products!
• Buy organic foods, to enjoy truly tasty and nutritious goodies grown without toxics. Organic is affordable when you buy direct and lower on the food chain. It's especially important to feed children organic, to reduce their exposure to toxics that can harm their development.
• Plan outings to local farms and farmers' markets. This trims food miles while helping local farms survive. Choose organic farms to reduce local toxics.
• Shop regularly at your local farmers' markets, or sign up for a farm CSA subscription, then savor your steady stream of farm-fresh delights.
• Plant an organic garden, to enjoy tasty healthy food that further trims your food miles.
• Designate one day a week or month as a vegetarian or vegan day, to reduce your livestock eco-impacts. (If you buy meat, choose organic from small farms.)
• Take walks in nature, alone or with others, for exercise that nurtures body, heart, and soul. Bring children along to encourage nature as their lifelong ally.

Resolution: Cut Home Energy Costs & Pollution
Strategy: Trimming home energy use saves money while reducing energy-related pollution and greenhouse gases.
Action ideas:
• Install a programmable thermostat to automatically lower heating costs while you're at work or school.
• Get a home energy audit, to identify your best opportunities for cutting energy waste and increasing efficiency. You can avoid up-front improvement costs with funding options such as SCEIP (www.sonomacounty energy.org).
• Consider solar power, after improving your home's efficiency, to reduce your use of polluting fossil fuels.

Resolution: Trim Driving Miles & Costs
Strategy: By cutting your driving miles, you can reduce your car expenses and pollution without buying a new car, plus often enhance relationships and integrate more exercise into your routine.
Action ideas:
• Seek carpool buddies for your trips to work, school, and more.
• Add public transit to your schedule. Get information on your local system and start by exploring a simple route.
• Designate one day a week or month as your "alternative commute day" and get to work or school by walking, biking, or taking public transit.

Resolution: Act at the Community Level
Strategy: By joining our efforts with others, we can help create the community-level changes needed to ensure that both we and the earth flourish.
Action ideas:
• Regularly contribute to groups you value. In addition to donating money, consider offering your time and skills, even for just a few hours monthly. You'll feel good connecting with like-minded souls and being part of the solution.
• Educate yourself and take action on eco-issues. E-mail lists from nonprofits can make that easier.
• Encourage your workplace and church groups to take eco-actions.

I hope these ideas help you enjoy the fun of turning our current challenges into opportunities for a better future!

Ask EcoGirl is written by Patricia Dines, Author of The Organic Guides, and Editor and Lead Writer for The Next STEP newsletter. Email your questions about going green to for possible inclusion in future columns.

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Live Healthy, Be Happy: Food Myths and Marketing Tricks

Shopping Tips
Buy foods from the outer aisles of your grocery store to find nutrient-rich fresh vegetables and fruits; dairy products; fresh fish, poultry, and meat; and the bulk food section, containing whole grains, nuts, and seeds. Look for the words “100% whole wheat, rye, oats” or other grain to avoid refined carbohydrates that will raise your blood sugar levels. When buying food in boxes or cans, choose those with the shortest ingredient list. The ingredients should be foods whose names you recognize rather than chemical additives.
Navigating the world of food has become trickier than ever. Food manufacturers spend millions of dollars on packaging to convince you that their specific products are good for your health.

Here are some common food myths and the real scoop on what is in those boxes and cans:

Myth #1 High fructose corn syrup is a healthy alternative to sugar.
High fructose corn syrup (“HFCS”), like sugar, is a rapidly absorbed form of carbohydrate. It raises your blood sugar levels quickly and promotes insulin resistance, which can lead to diabetes. HFCS contains “empty” calories; that is, calories that do not contribute nutrients that your body needs to maintain all of its daily functions. Consuming foods and drinks that contain HFCS or other sugars contributes to weight gain.

Myth#2 Butter substitutes are a healthy alternative to butter.
Most margarines and butter substitutes contain partially hydrogenated oils, which are essentially trans fats. Current medical research indicates that these fats are detrimental to our cardiovascular system, and the FDA has warned against consuming trans fats. Some of the butter substitutes are essentially made out of water, additives, and artificial flavors and colors. They contain no real nutrients.
What about butter? Made from milk, butter contains vitamins and minerals in addition to a variety of fats. Will smearing a little on a piece of toast harm you? Absolutely not. It is a much healthier alternative than the processed foods that are marketed as “healthy” substitutes.

Myth#3 Packaged foods labeled “low fat” are health foods.
The food industry has capitalized on the public’s concern that consuming high levels of saturated fat may contribute to heart disease. Packaged foods are labeled “low fat” in order to make you believe that they are healthy. The truth is that these foods often contain large quantities of sugars and refined carbohydrates. When we eat foods that don’t contain fat, we feel less satisfied. This is a perfect scenario for the food industry because it makes us want to eat more of the “low fat” cookies, candy, crackers, and energy bars that they are selling. Eating a lot of food containing sugars and refined carbohydrates sets us up for craving more of these foods. Read the food labels on these foods to see how many grams of sugar are contained in one serving. Beware: Just 14 grams of sugar = 1 tablespoon of sugar.

Tips for Reading Food Labels:
1. Serving size is not necessarily the amount that you actually eat at one time.
Do you eat 2 cookies or 8 cookies at a time? Remember to multiply the numbers listed on the food label by the actual number of servings that you consume to see the true number of calories, sugars, and fats you are eating.
2. Sugar can be the ingredient found in the greatest quantity in the food even though it is not listed first on the ingredient list.
Food marketers know that consumers don’t want to see sugar listed first on the ingredient list because that indicates that sugar is proportionally the biggest ingredient in the food. If the product contains different forms of sugar with different names (see sidebar), they are able to list them separately. By doing this, no one form of sugar will be first on the ingredient list. Look at the total number of grams of sugar in each serving to get a better idea of how “sweet” the food is.
3. A food can contain trans fats even though the food label says it contains “0” trans fats.
The FDA allows a food label to say “0” trans fats if a serving contains less than .5 grams of trans fats. This means that .49 grams per serving allows a company to make this claim.
How many servings are you eating? The FDA recommends that we eliminate trans fats from our diets because they are considered to be a cause of heart disease. Consult the ingredient list and avoid foods that contain partially hydrogenated or hydrogenated oils.

How much sugar is it okay to eat every day?
The USDA estimates that the average daily intake of sugar per person in the United States is 31 teaspoons! This equals around 500 “empty” calories each day.
There is no recommended daily limit on sugar intake. I would recommend that you treat foods with sugar as a minor part of your daily diet and substitute sweet tasting foods like fresh fruit. This will help you maintain a healthy weight and healthy blood sugar levels.

Myth #4 The word “natural” on a box of food means that it contains healthy foods. The food industry knows that health claims on food products sell foods, and that is why so many companies use the words “natural” and “healthy” on many packaged foods. These words have no agreed upon definition and can be used to describe a food that has been refined so much that it has no nutrient value, or to describe a processed food to which artificial flavorings, colorings, and other chemicals have been added. Read the ingredient list and the food label to decide for yourself if the contents of the box or can are indeed healthy.

Myth #5 Packaged foods labeled “low carb” are health foods.
The low carb craze has many people believing that carbohydrates are bad for you. In fact, carbohydrates provide the energy that your body needs to perform all of its functions. The problem is not eating carbohydrates, but the type of carbohydrate eaten. Packaged foods labeled “low carb’ often contain artificial sweeteners and flavorings that are not beneficial to your health.

Myth #6 Juice drinks are a healthy alternative to sodas.
The food industry has found a way to disguise the fact that these drinks are very high in sugar. Many of these drinks are sweetened with fruit juice concentrate, which is made by processing fruit juice until it is basically sugar. Snapple, made with “100% juice,” has more sugar in an 11.5 ounce bottle than you will find in a 12 ounce Coke. Healthy Alternatives? Juices found in the refrigerated section that contain fresh fruit juice only. Dilute these with water to decrease the effect on your blood sugar level. Or, better yet, eat a piece of whole fruit, which contains fiber that will keep your blood sugars from spiking.

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Maintaining Home: Preparing Gutters and Downspouts for Winter Rains

Summer is over. Leaves are falling, and many are falling into the gutter systems. The purpose of gutters, downspouts and splashguards is to direct water away from the exterior of the home, preventing damage to walls, foundations and landscape materials. If gutters are not maintained and monitored, it can create numerous problems with the home.

The largest problem area with most homes is at the envelope of the home, i.e. the exterior siding and roof. Part of the problem found during inspections is that the home owner does not have the gutter cleaned and monitored on a monthly basis. When the gutter and downspout are full with debris, the water spills over the top of the gutter and can cause damage to the eaves, rafters, siding and quite possibly the home’s foundation.

There are ways to help prevent gutters from being a consistent threat. Some home owners use gutter screens purchased from their local hardware store. Other home owners have gutter system with a solid cover over the top, which allows water to enter, but not the debris. These alternative gutter systems do not mean that the gutter will not collect debris. They will also have to be maintained and monitored; however, less than a standard open gutter system. The roof also collects debris, which can reduce its life, if not cleaned and monitored. As a professional property inspector, we are required to look at the home to see if this type of standard maintenance has been done as a steady ritual. When inspectors recommend that the home’s gutter and roof are cleaned, it is always recommended that a qualified professional do the work, especially when working off a ladder or with power tools.

This is only a small part of a standard home inspection. There are many other important details that should be considered when maintaining a property. One important detail is to know where your home is distributing its water run off from the gutter and downspout. This is why it is a good idea to ensure that the downspout is tied into a professionally installed sub drain system terminating at street level. If there is no sub drain system present, then you are relying on natural drainage around your home to divert the water away from the homes foundation, which brings to mind another very important maintenance issue: lots and grounds drainage.

A home should always have the earth surrounding the home’s exterior foundation sloping away from the home. This is another part of a standard property maintenance inspection. When the home does not have proper surrounding drainage there can be numerous issues, such as standing water in the crawl space under your home. Standing water can lead to health issues due to the moist conditions under the home that could get into the central heating duct. Not to mention decay and or settlement of foundation framing. With a possible wet winter ahead, having a well maintained home envelope and properly graded grounds are very important elements of standard maintenance.

Steve Ogletree is a Property Inspector with National Property Inspections
(707) 604-7030, E-mail: stevenogletree@comcast.net
www.npiweb.com/ogletree

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Preparing for the Rainy Season

It’s autumn and time to prepare for the rainy season and winter. At this time of year, you might be starting to think about raking up leaves, cleaning out your rain-gutters, and undertaking some car maintenance like replacing wiper blades and changing the anti-freeze. In conjunction with these types of activities, there are a few simple tasks we can do at home and work to protect our local creeks and the quality of our wonderful environment.

With the coming rains anything we spill, drop, throw, or intentionally store on the ground can be washed off by storm water and enter a creek or river. Polluted runoff can come from a variety of sources - oil and grease from pavement; trash and pet waste from our yards or parks; fertilizers and pesticides from lawns or gardens; sediment from construction activities; and improperly stored loose materials like garden mulch or topsoil. This pollution can have a toxic effect on fish and wildlife.

Here are some ways that you can help reduce the flow of pollution into our waterways by making your home or business “rainy season ready”, supporting ongoing efforts to improve the health of our creeks:

Home and Garden
• Clean up pet waste and dispose of it in your trash container.
• Pick up leaf litter and yard clippings around your home. Use a broom to sweep your driveway and the gutter in front of your house, never rinse with a hose. Compost or recycle debris in City/County-issued garden waste containers.
• If you store garden products like soil, mulch, or compost; or if you store gas-powered garden equipment or chemicals outside, make sure you securely cover these items before it starts to rain.
• Minimize your use of pesticides, herbicides and fertilizers and avoid applying these chemicals if rain is in the forecast.
• Turn down your irrigation system run times during dry periods of the fall months, and turn your system off once the winter rains begin. Even during dry periods of the winter months, plants need little or no water.
• Fix car and gas-powered engine leaks. Oil, antifreeze and other harmful chemicals can drip onto streets, parking lots and driveways and then wash off into creeks.
• Commercial car washes recycle their water and keep soapy water out of the storm drain. If you wash your car at home, do it on the lawn. Rinse with a sponge, squeezing the soapy water into a bucket for disposal in the sink.
• Clean out your pickup truck bed and properly secure items that you are hauling in your truck or on top of your car. Random trash left in the back of your pickup can easily blow out onto the street and end up in the creek.
• Motor oil, antifreeze, paint, paint thinner, batteries and chemical cleaning products should only be disposed of at a household hazardous waste collection facility. See http://www.recyclenow.org/ or call the Sonoma County Eco Desk (707 565-DESK (3375)) for more information.

Businesses can use many of the same good housekeeping practices for the home as well as these:
• Cover toxic materials with tight-fitting lids and/or store them indoors.
• Check your dumpster for leaks and ask for a replacement if necessary.
• Schedule a sweeper to clean your parking lot before the rains begin.
• Sweep—don’t hose or wash dirt and debris from sidewalks and walkways.
• Train employees to use storm water pollution prevention practices such as cleaning up spills immediately.

A good rule of thumb to remember is “Only rain down the storm-drain” as almost everything else can become a pollutant. The damage can impact our creeks and our health. It costs less to prevent pollution than to clean up the creeks. Let’s all do our part!

This article was authored by Forest Frasieur of the City of Santa Rosa on behalf of RRWA. RRWA (www.rrwatershed.org) is an association of local public agencies in the Russian River Watershed that have come together to coordinate regional programs for clean water, fisheries restoration, and watershed enhancement

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You ARE Liable for Dangerous Trees on your Property

Q: I own a vacant lot that has many mature trees. I am worried that as winter approaches, a tree may fall causing damage to my neighbor’s home or property. Can I get insurance on a vacant lot? What should I do to protect myself?
Signed: Watchful Eye in Graton

Dear Watchful Eye: Oh, what great foresight you have, especially as all brace for the upcoming winter. Smart of you to be thinking ahead. I’ve addressed in past columns the fact that a property owner is liable for damage caused by poorly maintained trees. If the tree appears openly hazardous and dangerous, you are presumed to have “constructive notice” of the dangerous condition and could be held liable for any injury or damage caused. Bottom line: If the tree is on your property and it falls, you are liable for any injury or damage caused, meaning that the neighbor will likely either file a claim against your insurance company or sue you in court.

The lesson here is for everyone to assess now whether their trees need to be trimmed or removed. Call a reputable tree trimmer or arborist. Look for a local and bonded company—I believe one or two of them may even advertise and support this local paper!
Now, after you have completed your preventative sweep, you should also be armed with a few practical tips, re: Insurance Law 101.

Generally, if you are a home-owner, you will have a homeowner’s insurance policy with comprehensive personal liability coverage. This coverage automatically extends to any vacant land that is likewise owned by you. The qualifying “triggers” are: 1) the land must be vacant (meaning just that—no pump houses, outbuildings, etc. can be on the land); and 2) the land must be deeded or in the name of the same individual (or insured) as the homeowner’s policy. Finally, please note that the land need not be in the same county as the home that is owned. Coverage automatically extends to any territory that your insurance company is licensed to do business—so your vacant lot could be in New Jersey or Puerto Rico (also a US territory), as long as your insurance company is licensed to do business there.

What if the vacant land is zoned “commercial”—will coverage from the homeowner’s policy still automatically extend? Yes—the qualifying factor is how the land is deeded, not zoned. So again, the title of the vacant land must be held by the same individual or homeowner who is on title on the home. There is one exception—insurance coverage will not automatically extend if the vacant land is owned by a corporation. (If the vacant land is owned by a corporation, the corporation may have to pursue a commercial endorsement to obtain coverage).

Now, let’s assume that you do not own a home (you rent) but that you do own this vacant lot. If that is the case, you should call a reputable insurance agent and pursue a “Tenant Homeowner’s Policy” for your rental home. This coverage will offer you comprehensive personal liability coverage for your rental home in case a visitor or guest gets hurt in your home; and like the homeowner’s policy, this coverage will automatically extend to any property owed by you, i.e. the vacant lot. Call a reputable insurance agent to discuss the options. If you don’t have one in mind, use mine—Sheila Harden at Northwest Insurance Agency (707-360-4136). She is honest and responsive. (Also, kudos for her husband John, a local and independent film maker, whose screenplay made it to the finals at the Austin Film Festival—check out www.johnfilms.com if you have an interest in independent film making.)

Great question—my hope is that collectively we have helped our Readers ponder and act as winter approaches so that our community remains safe and uninjured. Prevention is key. As Benjamin Franklin quipped, “It is easier to prevent bad habits than to break them”.

DEAR READERS: Do you have a legal question that has been burning on your mind (but are hesitant to ask an attorney…cha-ching; cha-ching)? Please send your questions to Debra A. Newby via email (contact information below). Your name will remain confidential. Although every inquiry may not be published, we will publish as many as possible. Finally, this Q & A Legal Column is intended as a community service to discuss general legal principles and does not create an attorney-client relationship.

Debra A. Newby is a resident of Monte Rio and has practiced law for 27 years. She is a member of the California, Texas and Sonoma County Bar Associations and currently maintains an active law office in Santa Rosa. Her law practice emphasizes personal injury law (bicycle/motorcycle/motor vehicle accidents, dog bites, trip and falls, etc.) and expungements (clearing criminal records). Debra can be reached via email (debra@newbylawoffice.com), phone (707-526-7200), fax (526-7202) or pony express (930 Mendocino Avenue, Suite 101; Santa Rosa, 95401).

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Ask The Loan Man - Conventional or FHA Home Loan?

I was thinking the other day that the mortgage industry is much like that famous line from the Blues Brothers movie when the band was booked at a bar that did not look quite like the usual places they played and Dan Akroyd asks the bartender what kind of music they usually have there and she replies, “We got both kinds, Country AND Western.”. Right now in the mortgage business, we seem to have conventional AND FHA loans available. With almost everyone getting a 30 year fixed rate mortgage and the line between conventional and FHA pretty clear most of the time, a lot of people wonder exactly what my role as mortgage advisor is today.

Well, let me tell ya cowboy, the line between FHA and conventional is not as clear as you might think. There seems to be even more opportunity for me to give good advice today than any other time.

I recently had a couple come in who were selling their current home and buying a smaller home (empty nesters) and they planned to put all of the money from the one home into the next home and getting a 30 year fixed conventional loan. I am not saying that was a bad idea….. I just wanted to show them what it would like if they put all of their money down, 20% down and a few spots in between. I also projected out 7 years, 15 years and 30 years on all of these loans and what the total costs of the loan over time looked like for them. Next we explored 15, 20, 25 and 30 year fixed rate mortgages and what it would look like to them and I also encouraged them to take these options that we discussed to a financial planner so they could get a really good idea of what to do with any money that they did not put down on their next house. They ended up getting a 30 year fixed rate conventional and they are putting a good chunk of the money down and they are holding back a little for a rainy day. This is a little change that is going to make a huge difference in their lives and a small difference in their payments and they told me that they would not have even been thinking about these things if they had not gotten good advice from me. THAT is what gets me out of bed in the morning, my friends.

I was at a Rockabilly show last weekend. It was a great show at the Hopmonk Tavern (great venue and excellent food). There were 3 rockabilly bands and they were quite different and it got me thinking that rockabilly was a better analogy to the mortgage business today. The Aces played on the bed of one of Falcon Mike’s trucks which was extremely cool. They play a very bluesy and slow sort of rockabilly. Then we had Lee Rocker who held true to his name and rocked heavily but also slowed it down here and there and then came the Blasters which is a more soulful, bluesy rock sound….. Rockabilly is a cross between Rock, Hillbilly and Blues. It is American roots music and it was a great show.

I was just trying to figure out a way to write about the show and keep it mortgage or real estate related. In my humble opinion, it is more important today to work with top notch real estate agents and mortgage professionals. Good advice and being there a year or a decade later are important any time but with changes coming as rapidly as they are today, just getting through the transaction takes a real pro.

Please email or call me with any real estate and mortgage related questions. I am happy to answer you and it may become the topic of a future article.

Hans Bruhner, CMPS is the branch manager for Benchmark Mortgage. If you have a question, please contact Hans at (707) 887-1275 or hans@hansblog.com or stop by www.AskTheLoanMan.com.

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Manifesting Love - So Many Kinds of Love!

It's Valentine month - February, so why not talk about Love - and while we're at it, Manifest the best feeling in the Universe! Who knows - with enough love to go around - we might just manifest peace! Three essays and a poem on love...

Is it REAL Love?
Only time will tell
By Vesta Copestakes
It’s Valentine time, so we look for trinkets that become little reminders of our love, take our sweeties out to dinner, etc. Why? Because it feels good and that’s what love is all about. As a friend once said to me – you like to be in love because of the way it takes you feel. Yeah – well – me and Paul McCartney. As my guy Alan says, “Vesta – you’re in love with love!” Too true!

So what is love anyway? Well, I’ve certainly had my roller coaster rides and formed opinions through the years. A bunch of years ago I came up with what I call …

“The Rule of Two and 1/2 years.”
Early love is all illusions and it’s a wonderful time to just immerse yourself in the thrill of it all. As we age and experience broken hearts, over and over, we tend to get skittish about this phase. We’re reluctant to surrender to it – distrustful, etc. We have reasons! BUT, if we hold back, we’re missing out on an opportunity that happens ONLY when love is fresh and new. How about just surrender to it. Hold off on sex as long as you can stand it and feel the intense electricity of desire that lasts only until you indulge! Once over that line – it all changes rapidly.

The first stage lasts about six months and everyone is on good behavior. They feel so good you can’t blame anyone for acting nice, nice all the time. Lovers are happy and behave well.

Basically, at this stage, you don’t have a clue who you are falling in love with – and vice versus.
By the time a year has passed you learned a lot. Not the whole story, but enough to decide if you want to keep walking down this path hand-in-hand. If the answer is yes, then carry on, but know that you still don’t have the whole story. This is NOT the time to get married! You might want to test-drive the deal by living together, but it will put guaranteed pressure on the situation, so hold off if you can. Living together is mighty different from spending the night at each other’s homes. Shared responsibilities can take their toll on love.

Over the next year or so you will have conflicts. How you resolve those conflicts will tell you everything you need to know about the strength of your love, your compatibility and your mutual respect. People who yell nasty things in the heat of anger don’t have what it takes. Those nasty remarks leave scars on hearts. The words rattle around in a lover’s head and ring true enough that they will form self-doubt and all kinds of emotions that don’t blend well with love. They are confidence killers as well as relationship killers. Good love is all about respect.

By the time 2 ½ years rolls around people are very real. You just can’t maintain illusions beyond this. The next year makes or breaks the tie that binds. I’ve certainly had the inklings that I should leave at 2 ½ years, but I’m persistent and dragged it on another year only to come to the same conclusion – this doesn’t work. Another year didn’t make it better, it only diminished the love until that love was gone. Once the love is lost, there’s nothing holding strings to your heart. It’s time to leave and let each partner seek someone more compatible. The important thing to do at this point is to part with respect. Fights and insults, cheating, all that nasty stuff is not necessary to say goodbye. Just agree to disagree and move on.

But – if the love is growing, the compatibility increasing, the mutual respect feeding each other, then this is where what I call “Deep Heat” takes over. If you thought new love was exciting, wait until you experience real love. I know some couples who have been together decades and they talk about the thrill of seeing their lover walk through the door. That tingle in your heart? It runs clear through your body. The love literally settles into a physically deeper space in your heart.

Sexual desire is a full body experience that is even satisfied by cuddling around each other and falling asleep. It’s intimacy in a safe environment and there is nothing more thrilling than feeling emotionally, mentally and physically safe with someone you love, and most important, loves you in return. “Safe Haven” is what Alan and I call it. Wow! THIS is worth waiting for, striving for and seeking. Ask any couple who has fared well over time will tell you there’s nothing like long-term, enduring love.

I wish every lover a wonderful month of love, and if you can pull it off, decades until death do you part. And quite honestly, it never leaves your heart. Ask anyone who lost a lover to death. It doesn’t end there!


----------------------------------------------
The Courage to Encourgage Love
By Bethany Argisle

The legend of the many Saints named Valentine, are actually believed to be Saint Galantine, the gallant one, and when the French peasants pronounced it, it became Valentine. It began the mission of the Saint to marry young lovers and soldiers when it was outlawed by the Roman Emperor Claudes II Gothicus who believed soldiers weren’t focused on war if focused on love (let’s just hope that’s true!)...

Of course, we do not send Valentine wishes with a picture of the beheading of
Galantine/Valentine and that is exactly the price he paid for continuing to support the bonds of those who wished to unite in their love plight - so it seems to take great courage to really believe that Love (of course is a four-letter word) overcomes that which aims to destroy not only our ability to love, but us as well.

In thinking/feeling this yearly celebration, there are important issues for us, not just the birds who are thought to choose their nesting mates on this very date. How do we let war happen? I have a theory and it includes the vast difference between the two:

COMPROMISE vs. COOPERATION
One night on top of an empty pizza box (from Andornos, of course - I just love their west coast pizza)...I drew a circle and drew a line down the center-one one side, the word - Compromise - I hear it so often, “you just have to compromise” - so let’s look up the etamology of the word itself and see if it applies to our new now -

Compromise which each side gives us some demands and makes some concessions
And adjustment of opposing principles - to weaken or give up one’s principles for the sake of expediency.

Cooperation indicates the act of joint effort - to act or work together for a common purpose, to combine for mutual benefit for all concerned.

In order to exercise that four letter word LOVE and WORK, that the real work is to notice that on this very day that whenever we hear the words “kill two birds with one stone” that we can now chose a new way of being that applies to now and to replace kill two birds with one stone with “light two candles with one flame” is more appropriate to conserve and not compromise the birds and therefore Saint Valentine sacrifice for Love...which in the end is more of a joy than a job...

When we feel the passion and fulfillment of love, it takes many forms, the personal romantic lover, the love that exists all around us, even if we are alone, yet not lonely as we take in this vast offering of the One who has this garden we are all cooperating with by breathing in and out during...

I believe in my true heart that love is fuel and that touch is ignition and the flame of the heart must be tended with respect and intention to make the most out of now...I know there are many who believe this way - that we are blessed and isn’t it amazing that the word bless has the word less in it...During these times of challenge, we may be finally focusing on that which is the simple, the free, that which is the honey of the bee, also ruled by Saint Valentine, the bees...and what is sweeter and a greater promise of love than it’s nectar...

“When the Power of Love Overcomes the Love of Power, the World Will Know Peace” - Jimi Hendrix


---------------------------
Wrathful Devotion
by Jennifer Welwood

You gave me a heart that ignites
In the passionate knowing of you,
And having burned in that heat
Is not drawn to lesser fires.

You gave me a mind that expands
To encounter your vastness,
And finds in those fathomless depths
Its own luminous nature.

You gave me a soul that won’t rest
With any barrier to you,
Be it heavy and dense
Or gossamer as a veil.

You gave me an old structure
Made up of my history;
It is heavy and dense,
It is gossamer as a veil.

I meet it, allow it, explore it
And still it grinds on,
A machine that relentlessly churns out
Old patterns and tendencies.

I embrace it, dissolve it, release it --
Still it keeps reincarnating,
Rising up from some ancient template
Held deep in my bones.

I don’t begrudge you your sense of humor,
Beloved trickster,
But I do wonder, now and then,
What you have in mind.

Did you make me to realize a freedom
I can’t fully embody?
Do my heart and soul burn for a truth
That I can’t fully live?

I commune with you in the heavens --
It’s not hard to find you there;
But I need you down here,
In the marrow of my bones.

You can’t turn away now -- stay here;
I will have this out with you.
You started something with me,
And now I want it finished.
Yes -- I will wrestle with you on this one,
Beloved torturer;
I will wrestle you all the way down
To the very ground

And not rest till I stand
With the soles of my feet upon you,
And not rest till I feel you infuse
My every cell.


---------------------------
The ART of LOVE
By Sharon Ann Wikoff

This is the month of LOVE. Valentine’s Day offers a wonderful opportunity to stop and look more closely at this ageless subject. Sometimes, the re-examining of a word or topic can pierce the armor we may have placed around the subject and a new way of looking at the topic results. Or sometimes, when we encounter another and are shown great love and consideration, we stop and reshape our way of living life. With such newness, a rich vitality can be rekindled. And what can be more exciting than living life with vitality!

Webster’s Dictionary gave the following definition about LOVE.
“A feeling of warm personal attachment or deep affection.”

Affection used in the definition of love can be described as kindness, caring, fondness and goodwill.

I think it’s safe to say that all of us want our children and/or the children we know and love to be loving…to treat others with kindness, with care, with fondness and goodwill.
Can we have an active part in assuring that our children do grow up as LOVING individuals?

I believe that you… that all of us have a new opportunity everyday, in every moment and in every way to model either LOVE or non-LOVE! When you are involved with children, you have a wonderful opportunity to demonstrate LOVE.

Every Day in Every Moment
You
Model
LOVE or non-LOVE!

Children are watching you ALL the time! Even when they do not appear to be. The old saying is that “teachers have eyes in the back of their head”. Well, children have extraordinary perception in their eyes and ears!

Everything you say and do is very much heard. And I’ve even had children pick up on the things I think! So, what amazing opportunities to model LOVE!

Many years ago I was working in a Child Developmental Day Care Center. It was near the end of the day and we only had 4 children remaining. My co-teacher and I were observing the children and talking as they worked on an art project and talking amongst themselves. All of a sudden one of the 4-year-old girls looked up at us and said, “Why do you talk so nicely to each other?” Yes, every moment of every day you are being watched!

Whether you are talking to your co-teacher, your partner, a friend or your child, all conversations and interactions are an opportunity to spread the LOVE!

7 Ways of Modeling LOVE

• Use respectful language & a gentle tone in conversations.
• Invite cooperation, do not demand obedience.
• Create an environment of peacefulness and harmlessness in your home or classroom.
• Offer choices allowing for children’s individual preferences.
• Allow children to see peaceful disagreements occur and peaceful solutions reached.
• Consider your child’s development level when making requests.
• Create an age-appropriate home environment, allowing for your child/rens’ play and work.

In most situations, the way a child is treated is the way a child will respond. And even when a child is being inappropriate, an adults response to him/her, needs to be polite and harmless. Anger should not breed anger!

Pam Leo suggests if you question whether or not your language is appropriate, ask yourself: “Would I speak in this manner to my best friend?” If not, then perhaps you want to re-think your languaging.

You never know when your happy smile, or your kind words or your caring actions are just the LOVE that is deeply needed by an individual in that moment! Your LOVE is like the pebble being dropped into the pond, creating ripple after ripple. Your LOVE likewise spreads person to person to person to person!

Sharon Ann Wikoff holds two California teaching credentials and is an EFT (Emotional Freedom Techniques) Practitioner. Sharon hosts the radio program, The VOICE of CHANGE. This month she hosts the teleclass: Creating Play Environments for Children. Details can be found on her website: www.AuthenticWays.com

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ADVICE - on Love, Romance...Good Stuff!!!

Whoah!... February!! In the midst of mass-media panic over our economy, real homes and jobs losses, global warming, mounting public health issues - AND and our post-holidays gray-skied “blues”.. we’re consistently reminded this month to “stop and smell the roses”… to think of love, romance and good stuff!

Writing this column, I’ve received TONS of letters about all kinds of relationship challenges – Neighbors; Family Members; Partnerships; Marriages; Kids; Bosses; Co-Workers; Cashiers… You name it!! …All while technology tweaks interpersonal connection and intimacy…

Is it just me? Or, does it feel like we’re becoming ever more isolated - and lacking trust to acknowledge or even interact with others?

Where’s Our Sense of HUMOR?!

Here’s one: “You become upset when a person calls you on the phone to sell you something, but you think it's okay for a computer to call and demand that you start pushing buttons on your telephone to receive more information about the product it is selling!” Source: www.basicjokes.com

Now, you don’t need another scolding about what you “should” be doing!... Maybe we could all use a little perspective tune-up, however!..

• Walking into the Men’s Locker Room @ Cal Fit the other day, something happened which I don’t recall experiencing since, oh, the 1970’s… My “excuse me” and look at the face of another guy I was passing was actually returned in kind!!! My God!! Someone looked me in the eye, and said, “Excuse me” in a way which communicated:

Ø Respect

Ø Courtesy

Ø “I’m not irritated that you’re momentarily in my world”

I was stunned! Then, as I reached my locker it happened again! Both times, by gentlemen who looked to be at least 60 years of age… Reminding me of “a different age” – the way I was taught to be a man – respectful, honest, willing to be wrong or not know something – all in the name of supporting others and of gaining knowledge and connection….

“Nowadays”, most of our “run-ins with strangers” interactions have become focused on:

# 1: “Maintain my space…” – Don’t let anyone in!

# 2: “Don’t do anything that could cause further interaction!” - Get past the other person ASAP!

# 3: “Be socially - and politically-correct!” - Can’t say anything that someone can construe as sexual, derogatory, or any other of a million litigation-liable transgressions!

# 4: “Gosh, I hope to hell I didn’t know that person! Pray I didn’t come over as ‘rude’.. That wasn’t my child’s teacher was it?”... I don’t want to look “wrong”!

• It’s a lot easier to eMail, text… anything in techno-space than to deal with all of the “kooks”… even in our own homes!

• “There are No Coincidences” – Spirit/Physics/God puts people in our lives for a reason!

• Our shrinking planet (see MySpace, global ecological realities, regional wars involving global axes’ soldiers…) has dramatically increased the demands for socially-complex “awareness”..

So, If you lived in a group of 99 people, and one more is added, you’d then see 99 new relationships! Seems like SO MANY people are overwhelmed, stressed and/or depressed by the dramatic social complexity of today’s life! Hey!.. I hate the fact that 99% of the people who drive down my street are people I don’t know, and I never will!

“Community”… where’d that go?

Here’s another one: My nephew recently headed off for his first semester away at college on a music scholarship. Off to Los Angeles and big-city campus life! I called him about a month after he’d settled in, to see how he was doing…

"This is awesome, Uncle Mitch!," he exclaimed, "but the students in my dorm are kinda freaky! Dude in the dorm next to me bangs his head against the wall ‘til like midnight every night! And the guy in the room above me stomps around ‘til midnight! And I gotta listen to floor below’s stereo blasting ‘til the middle of the night!"

I asked, "Why don't you complain to your Dorm Supervisors?"

"Ah, it’s not really that big a deal," my nephew says... "I'm usually up quietly practicing my trombone until that time anyway."

• Sometimes, the very interactions/frustrations we rue the most are foundations to a relationship we’d sorely miss otherwise (see Jim Carrey’s character in “CLICK”)!

As there are no “coincidences”, Even current phenomenon can be looked at for positive potential!... For example:

• “Political Correctness” = Opportunity to really look at other humans as our equals, versus as someone to be categorized.

• This shrinking planet = Opportunity to get past divisive trends (like “racial differences”, “religious wars”, tyranny, slavery…) and unite to combat this threat to our very existence.

• Loss of courtesy/respect/empathy = Opportunity to ROLE MODEL the best a human can be for others!!

As a means of communication – keeping it “light”, not personalizing every moment, and allowing everyone to feel “OK”… humor/jokes are time-tested means getting along with people and of adding just a bit of light in this world we share! If not meant to create distance – instead to create a brief sense of affiliation – humor rocks!

And, during spiritual and/or seasonal “WINTER”, this is a time to lovingly look within… To find the good starting in our hearts, in those we love… and in our fellow humans!

Stay tied to the positive (like what you see in reading “Health & Fitness” magazine; checking out www.TwinSoup.com, and in connecting with community @ www.westcountygazette.com )!

KNOW THIS: There’s lots of good in this world; humans can thrive and get past our contemporary struggles, and that there’s always a good laugh in there somewhere!

George Carlin once said:

“If love is blind… why is lingerie so popular?”


…February: Love It!

Namasté ~ Mitch

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Empowering Yourself into 2009

The New Year
Transforming Last Years Disappointments
Into Wisdom and Renewal

By Susan Kistin, MFT

As we enter the new year, we are presented us with an opportunity to reflect on the past year and set new intentions for the year ahead. But the prospect of making goals and vowing to uphold resolutions can be daunting. Why? Because trying to stick to goals and resolutions can give us the message that we are not good enough as we are, or that all the hard work we’ve already been doing to direct our lives isn’t good enough. Instead, how about a year-end review that can help us to find meaning in all we’ve been through and renewed purpose as we move ahead into a new year…something that is food for the soul instead of resolution drudgery?

The winter season is the perfect time to settle in and take stock of what we may have begun that needs more nurturing to blossom and grow. Looking out on the stark branches and grey sky reminds us that nothing lasts forever. Yet, we also know that the seeds that were planted in the fall are waiting in the deep stillness of the earth to be born again in the spring. So are the seeds that we planted within ourselves last year, the seeds of our longings, the ways we want to become more of who we are.

All the disappointments, the times we perhaps went in a direction we hadn’t meant to and ended up feeling off track and lost to ourselves...these are the valuable, rich lessons of the past, and they can inform our new direction. Calling in what we want in our lives is most empowering if we acknowledge & honor what we are leaving behind. Saying goodbye to that which is no longer serving us and claiming the lessons learned from our experiences of confusion and doubt can help us to create a new, updated version of our lives.


A Fun and Empowering Reflection for a New Year

PREPARATION

➢ Create a special time & place for your reflection: cozy & warm in your home or outside in the clear, cold beauty of winter.
➢ Set aside the amount of time that feels right for you so you are not rushed.
➢ What time of day do you feel most inspired? Do it then!
➢ Create your atmosphere: a candle or flowers, perhaps your favorite food.
➢ Surround yourself with things that represent both what you want to leave behind and what you are calling forth.
➢ Decide if you want to be alone or with friends or family. How would you feel best supported to reflect with freedom & authenticity?
➢ Wear comfortable clothing or perhaps something special if you like dressing up.

REFLECTION

➢ Reflect on the past year, by writing in a special journal or using any other medium that appeals to you, like drawing, or sharing verbally with a friend. You can now refer to the items you chose that symbolize what you are leaving behind or calling forth.
➢ Celebrate the powerful and inspiring experiences of this past year. Delight in your accomplishments!
➢ Celebrate and give great honor to the deep lessons learned through your disappointing, challenging experiences.

INTEGRATION

➢ Now, look into the coming New Year with open heart, bringing to bear the wisdom of your reflections. Create a plan for some concrete actions you can take to make your lessons come alive in your daily life!


With a good measure of sincere reflection, self-forgiveness and heart-felt intention, we can transform what we thought were our failures into an enlightened and successful continuation of life in 2009. This simple process is something you can do every year as your own personal New Year ceremony.

Susan Kistin, MFT helps people with a variety of concerns make conscious, life-affirming intentions so they can move forward with freedom and joy! She is a psychotherapist in private practice, a ceremonialist and co-founder of EarthWays, an organization that offers vision quests and workshops. Susan works with individuals and groups, and will be starting a women’s group in early 2009.
She can be reached at 707-823-1319 or skistin@comcast.net. EarthWays web site: www.earthways.info

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LISTENING 2 CHILDREN: of ALL ages!

I am reminded time and time again about the importance of the act of LISTENING!

After I wrote the last article for the Gazette I pondered, “What should the focus be for my column in the New Year”? Ideas came and went! Then as December came to a close and the New Year rolled around, I continued my thought process. I wanted something NEW… something DIFFERENT… something to catch everyone’s attention. Several subject entered my mind but no decision was made! My considerations continued.

Life continued! Day after day, situations arose where the absolute necessity for “LISTENING 2 CHILDREN” arose. I was reminded time and time again about the importance of the act of LISTENING!

• Listening to the infant as her eyes focus on the first rain!
• Listening to the four-year old feeling snow for the first time!
• Listening to the child who just learned to ride her bike!
• Listening to the crying toddler who just had his ice cream fall!
• Listening to the young women who has just fallen in love!
• Listening to the teen that just lost his job!

Opportunities arise around us all the time where listening is needed! However, in this busy busy world, sometimes, the act of listening is not given the importance that it deserves.

Listening deepens the connection between two people greatly! Listening bonds people together in miraculous ways. When two people take the time to be in conversation, sharing and talking, a synergy develops that is so special. Conversations cannot be hurried. Well, they can be hurried, but if one wants the delight and pleasure and closeness that comes from listening, then conversations should be given the time they deserve!

When listening doesn’t take place, the person not listened to may end up holding on to un-processed thoughts and feelings. When such thoughts build up time after time, they can cause emotional upsets. I’ve seen this happen time and time again in classrooms. Teachers wonder WHY is this child acting out? Nine times out of ten when I see an incident that has happened where a child is upset, I’ve been able to trace the ‘cause’ back to something that happened that was not addressed. The importance of listening begins at birth and continues into adulthood and beyond!

Over the past months I’ve had the marvelous experience of having one of my children ‘fall in love’! She’s over 30 and has been SO patient in dating and finding Mr. Right. And now everything is falling into place! Although she’s known him for 3 years, they were not serious until recently. Then they became a couple! Almost immediately he was offered a fabulous work promotion but it entailed a move to another state! A BIG decision had to be made! It was amazing to listen to her talk about all the conversations they were having about the move. At one point, I had MORE questions than she had answers so I had to sit quietly and wait!

This reminded me that sometimes, the process of listening requires SILENCE! So, silence it was for about 10 days! But tonight, we spent over 90 minutes on the phone discussing their trip next week out of state to locate housing and their upcoming move. The timing wasn’t great for me, but if I had said no to the call tonight, what I would have lost out on would be irreplaceable! I would have missed listening to her talk about what furniture to take, how she found a matching piece to her wild purple flowered luggage and the huge significance of this time in her life! Yes, listening is crucial to close relationships when our children are 3 months or 30 years.

It’s never too late to begin listening again! And the very act of listening can change lives! It can bring people together! And it can create a connection so strong, so beautiful, so special!
AND it can all begin with just 10 minutes of listening! I call this the 10 Minute Miracle. JUST listen to a loved one for 10 minutes. Have no agenda other than listening! Listening is a miracle that can last a lifetime!

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ASK THE LOAN MAN: Your Loan…Refinance or Modify?

Your Loan…Refinance or Modify?

OK, let’s start with my area of expertise – refinancing. With almost 2 decades in the real estate and mortgage business, I have helped thousands of people get into a home or refinance the home they are in. I have traveled the country and spent thousands of dollars to further my education and I am most definitely an expert and I am going to give you the exact same advice that I give to every one of my clients when they ask – Should I refinance?......

My answer is I DON’T KNOW!

Well there you go, you now have free expert advice. Here is the deal, I honestly don’t know until I run the numbers. If the answer is yes then I don’t know exactly what loan program or features you should get until we compare options on a spreadsheet. These days, most people are getting a 30 year fixed rate because they are so low (Yes, rates are 4.5% to 5.5% right now). There are a lot of choices when getting a 30 year fixed rate mortgage: Points or no points? - Pay the costs out of pocket or roll them in? – Should I pay off debts? – Should I take some cash? etc. etc.

The hardest part about refinancing today is that we have much different questions that we have to ask and some of the answers are making it impossible for people to refinance. Some people who would have qualified 2 years ago won’t qualify today. The house that I live in and the duplex I rent out have both lost equity to the point that I simply don’t have enough equity to refinance and so I can’t even get a loan for myself.

So, what happens when you can’t refinance? Well, in my case, I wait. I can’t get a better interest rate and selling doesn’t make sense so I wait. Luckily for me, that was my plan anyway. Some people will want to take a look at a loan modification and this is a completely different animal from a refinance.

A loan modification is when you contact your current mortgage holder and you ask them to modify the terms of your mortgage. The bank can lower the interest rate, take past due amounts and tack them on to the back of the loan, lower the principal balance, let you skip a couple of payments… Why would the bank do this you say? That is a good question and you need a really good answer or they won’t. If you are behind on payments and your mortgage has just adjusted from a low rate to a higher rate then you may be a good candidate for a loan modification. If you just don’t have enough equity to fit into a refinance and you want a better rate then you are not a good candidate for a modification.

You entered into a contract for a mortgage and the bank wants to get paid. If they feel you are in danger of losing the house to foreclosure then they will want to work with you to keep you in the home and save their loan. The bottom line is that you need to prove to the bank that you can’t continue on the path that you are on and then you need to show them what you can do and strike a bargain. A couple of things to consider….. Getting them to lower your principal is almost out of the question and getting them to even speak with you if you are current with your payments probably won’t happen either. I am not a loan modification expert and I do not do them for my clients. There are a lot of new companies out there and many of them are predatory companies looking to make a quick buck. I have been offering advice to clients and referrals to reputable companies and helping clients prepare to tackle these on their own.

I welcome questions about home loans and the real estate market in general. Please let me know what you want to hear about in future articles.


Hans Bruhner, CMPS is licensed in CA & HI. If you have a question, please contact Hans at (707) 887-1275 or hans@hansblog.com . First Priority Financial, Inc. is licensed by the CA DRE #00654852. www.asktheloanman.com

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SHARK BAIT: Answers to Legal Questions: REDUCE YOUR RISK OF BEING SUED

Dear Readers:
As a New Year gift to YOU--the outstanding and altruistic neighbors of Sonoma County—I offer my three “top picks” of painless legally-related steps you can take to reduce the chance of being sued and to protect your assets. (My typical “Dear-Abby-Q&A-styled-column” will resume next time). Forget the resolutions to lose weight, exercise, or clean out your closets—they fade in six weeks. Act on some or hopefully all of my free tips--they will last a lifetime:


Tip #1: Don’t let strangers plan your wake.
OK...can we talk? We will die…eventually. If you do not have a will or trust, you do in fact have an “estate plan”. Strangers, not you, will decide the fate of EVERYTHING you own—the home, the bank and stock accounts, and that one-of-a-kind 1920’s chandelier that graced your Aunt’s Shangri-La. Those “strangers” are our State Legislature, as under California law, when you die without a will or trust (legally termed “intestate”) your “stuff” will likely go through probate court. Probate proceedings may take up to 1½ years. If the delay isn’t enough to bring you down a few clouds from your angelic state, think about the costs….probate costs can consume 5-10% of your estate. Even more moola will go to other fees and our Golden State (55% of your estate can go to Uncle Sam).

If your final wishes are not clearly defined in a Will and Trust, find a lawyer that specializes in estate planning. Ask a trustworthy friend or neighbor if they can recommend a reputable estate planning attorney or you can email me and I’ll reply with the contact information of local estate planning attorneys whom I trust.

Tip #2: Save a life—your teenagers, your grandparents, or an innocent driver.
If your teenager is learning to drive, consider a defensive driving class as a prerequisite to their permit or license. The California Highway Patrol (CHP) offers an outstanding classroom program called “Start Smart” for 15-19 year-olds. Check out the CHP website or contact your local CHP office. Also, take the time to enter a contract with your teenager which outlines terms such as hours of driving, geographical limits, and responsibilities of passengers. Sample contracts are available on-line. Be cautious—some sites will try to sell you a contract—freebies are available. Just remember, the contract is a written promise between you and your teen. You can and should add any terms that you and the teen agree to. Talk it out and put it on paper.

Do you know any senior drivers? Classes to sharpen and refresh driving skills are also regularly offered to seniors (and may also reduce your automobile insurance premium). As Ralph Waldo Emerson observed, “the secret of education is respecting the pupil”. Rephrased, love your I-pod-tooting teenager and your Uncle George—send them to driving safety class.

Tip#3: Spend a few extra bucks for certain types of insurance and save ten-fold.
Many of my potential clients come into my law office and are sure they have “full coverage” to help pay the bills from a car crash. Their belief is sometimes not the reality. Insurance is tricky—there are so many types of coverage. California law requires that only “liability insurance” be purchased. Liability coverage “kicks in” if the insured is found to be at fault, and the minimum required in California is only $15,000.

If the at-fault person has no insurance, you may have little recourse unless you have UM/UIM coverage and Med Pay on YOUR policy. An “umbrella policy” also offers additional protection. UM/UIM, Med Pay, and an umbrella policy will provide additional protection and peace of mind, at a fraction of the cost of your required liability coverage. Call your automobile insurance company or your insurance agent now to update your policy so that you are indeed “fully” protected.

Be Safe. Be Healthy. Laugh often and embrace every day of the New Year!

Got a legal question? Email Debra –debra@newbylawoffice.com. This column is designed as community service to address general legal principles and does not create an attorney-client relationship.

Debra A. Newby is a resident of West County and has practiced law for 26 years. She maintains an active law office in Santa Rosa and emphasizes personal injury law (bicycle/motorcycle/motor vehicle accidents and fatalities, dog bites, trip and falls, etc.) and expungements (clearing criminal records). Debra can be reached via email (debra@newbylawoffice.com), phone (707-526-7200), fax (526-7202) or pony express (930 Mendocino Avenue, Suite 101, Santa Rosa, 95401).

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Ask the Loan Man - Hans Bruhner on the Bailout

Hans Bruhner is a rather remarkable person. Even in this troubled economy he keeps a positive attitude and finds ways to help people get good loans they can afford with their good credit rating. He'll never lie, coerce or distort information and you can count on him to tell you the truth…even if it hurts. This momth - he writes about the Big Bailout.

I have no idea what to write…….. so Bailout it is!

Guys and gals, I am stumped. I need your help. I don’t want to make this a question and answer column but I am looking for some questions that will help me write my article. I may be my own worst critic but I am excited about some columns and not quite as excited about others I write. Talk to me, tell me what is on your mind and I will write about it.

I know that you guys are sick of hearing about the bailout but I am going to give you my spin on it anyway. The name wasn’t very smart to begin with because it just doesn’t have a very good ring to it, I’ll get to that later, here is the part that is really bugging me today: AIG was bailed out to the tune of $85 Billion dollars and some of their top executives went and had a party at the St. Regis Hotel in LA. These guys were living it up on our dime! I just heard that they are having a lush party for their top sales people as well. I am OK with recognizing the sales team but they aren’t having it at the Stockton Ramada folks, they are having their party at the Ritz Carlton Hotel in Half Moon Bay……..smooth! A friend of mine called the St. Regis and wanted to know how you spend $440,000 at their hotel and the answer was amazing. I have posted it on my video blog at www.HansBlog.com just click on the video at the right entitled AIG gets $85B………

Ok, so back to the name. It should not have ever been called a bailout, that just sounds like a handout which it really isn’t. What the recovery plan really does is a lot like welfare. They are offering a leg up to someone who really needs it and when they system works it is a beautiful thing and when the system doesn’t work, well it’s not so nice. The federal government is going to go in and buy up some pretty stale investments that no one else is buying and put some liquidity back into our market place. The idea is to jump start the economy so it can take care of itself again (see the welfare link here?). If this works then not only have we helped the economy but our investment may actually start to gain some value as well. So if the “bailout” works, then we have invested in something that we believe in and in so doing we have moved forward. Since it is a government program set up to simply help the economy then any return on our initial investment is a bonus! Think about it, if someone loses their job and needs some help and goes on welfare or unemployment and they then turn it around and get a job and get back on their feet and go back to being a productive member of society and get off welfare then the program is a success. This bailout program is exactly like that except we are actually holding onto some investments that may turn around as the economy gets better.

So just to bring it back to the real estate market and my area of expertise…… Now is the time to buy a house! Prices are low, rates are low and if the bailout works then rates will go up and slowly but surely home values will start to go up again also. In my nearly 2 decades in the real estate and lending business, I have seen 30 year fixed rates around 10.5% and in the early 80’s, rates were well into the teens (as in 16, 17…) so are you kidding me when you are upset that the rate is around 6.00% and not 5.00%! You guys have been spoiled and you better get on it before you lose this great market that we are in.

Hans Bruhner, CMPS is licensed in CA & HI. If you have a question, please contact Hans at (707) 887-1275 or hans@hansblog.com http://www.hansblog.com. First Priority Financial, Inc. is licensed by the CA DRE #00654852.

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Viewpoint Inspired

Mitch Darnell offers advice on personal matters to readers. Contact Mitch with your questions via e-mail at foreverinspired@surewest.net.

Mitch Darnell, MA
Inspiration Wedding Officiant
tel: 916/247.1655
www.ForeverInspired.net

Dear Mitch,

I’ve been dating my current boyfriend for almost three years now, living together for the past 14 months. Over the past six months, however, I’m noticing I’m getting kind of turned by some of the things “Steve” and I fight about… and I’m having major feelings for my best friend “Joe”!

I’ve told Steve about my feelings for Joe, hoping he’d get why I’m feeling alienated from Steve. Steve’s sadness at learning about my feelings for Joe moved me – I truly care for this man after three years, Mitch… But Steve wants to be a photographer and a childrens’ books writer. Joe has the drive for something more, and I want a family man and someone who can contribute financially.

I’ve told Joe I love him, and I spend tons of time with Joe because he treats me better than Steve ever has. But, I worry about Steve. He’s not too social, and if he’s not with me, he doesn’t seem like the type to date again. At least Joe can find someone else later.

Please help! I’ve been pondering this for the past six months!

Foolish & Fretting
Stockton
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Hey Fretting,

I bet a lot of your friends have been in this spot!!

When we’re feeling overwhelmed and struggling to sort through “stuff”, best to break it down into manageable pieces…

° Take that D-E-E-E-E-P breath… And a couple more… Then…

° Pretend you’re looking at three people you don’t know. Allow none of them to be “bad”; all to be “normal people trying to find their way through life”!

° Write down what, for you, are the elements of a “good relationship”… Maybe include: Trust, Affection, Commitment to stick with it; fun; good sex… - Whatever are truly important to YOU!

° Are you finding that, when you and Steve are both present (not off spending lots of time with another love interest) those elements are/were present?

• If Steve & you did have those elements, time to first look at yourself for “what happened”… Maybe, deep down, you really always knew that Steve wasn’t “the right one”…

• If Steve & you didn’t have those elements, time to first look at yourself for “why did I accept that”? Maybe you just needed to have a little fun back then, or maybe you weren’t ready for “the real thing”!

• Don’t seek a “right” or “wrong” person in this. Seek insight into yourself – your motivations, needs, expectations and values.

° You know deep down that you’re not giving the relationship with Steve what it needs to succeed by carrying on with Joe.

° BOTH Joe and Steve will live without you! They get to make choices about any loss of relationship with you, and about their lives. You’re only responsible for your actions in and out of the relationship(s)!

° Examine what “LOVE” is to you… What’s “unconditional love”.. “commitment”..?

… You’ll have your answers if you truly take those steps!.. You’ve started the process to learn here – don’t step out – STAY ENGAGED IN YOUR LIFE!

~ Namasté ~
Mitch
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Hey Mitch,

My friend recently was dumped by his girlfriend. According to him they talked it out and they agreed to still be close but not have a sexual relationship. I asked whether or not he’d still want to be in this relationship if she (most likely) finds another boyfriend, and is sexually active with him. He said yes!

The circumstances of this situation are still somewhat unclear to me, because he promised her he wouldn’t tell anyone about them breaking up. And, he makes ambiguous comments such as, “I’ve got to accept the fact that I’ve been replaced!” He said this even before they broke up, which makes me think she cheated on him. He says they “talked it out”, and that he still wants to be close with her.

I’m his friend, and he was open to support, but I don’t think this is a healthy relationship for him to be in because it looks like he’s going to have trouble moving on. It almost seems to me like she just said she wanted to be close so that he doesn’t act out.

He’s obviously really torn by being disengaged. Is this a healthy relationship?

Thanks,
Friend Trying To Help

** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** **

Hey Friend,

Hard to find something... when you don’t know what it is!

Maybe this IS OK for him! Any chance you’re projecting YOUR intentions, hopes, or fears onto your friend?! Alright, so you’ve contracted (verbally, spiritually… somehow) to caretake for your friend a little! Hey, we all need at least one friend who cares!..

It’s hard to discern what’s truly happening in any relationship because, even in our own relationships, we’re never aware of 100% of the facts! Meanwhile, these ambiguous tidbits suggest your friend’s confused, don’t they? Is this a “boyfriend-girlfriend” relationship now? A “we both feel we’re better friends than lovers” deal?

¤ The first thing I’d do is ask your friend what the definition/title of the relationship is. Does he still feel she’s his “girlfriend”?

» If he DOES say she’s still his “girlfriend”, then what’s his definition of that?! If “girlfriend” means “my buddy who’s available for intimate relationships with other people”, then we have a match! “Healthy”? Well, not if he truly wants what most of us expect out of a “girlfriend”!

» “No, NOT a girlfriend anymore”? Then, what IS she? “Buddy Pal I Used To Date, But I Don’t Care She’s Moved On”?!

¤ As your friend talks, watch to see if his title & definition of the new relationship match his behaviors and emotional appearance. Does he act upset about the circumstances? If he seems to be cool & calm & says he’s moved onto being her “friend”, there is a chance they are on the same page, and that may be healthy for him!

… Yet you could be worried because he’s truly not acknowledging this deal’s not good for him! Intuitively, you may have a clearer picture than the person caught up in the relationship…

He says he’s “been replaced” – If so, why’s he standing around to watch the next episode of this drama? Confirmation that he’s “not worthy”? To try to “make some sense of it”?

Whatever your friend’s seeking… it’s NOT found hanging around his ex! It’s within his own heart! No person can ever be “replaced”. Something’s not there for these two to remain boyfriend/girlfriend. What’s been replaced is what he thought they had together. Now, what’ll he replace that with?

It sounds to me like he’s looking toward her post-relationship life to replace something in him. Healthier for him might be:

a. Pulling away from her, and going through the grieving process – honoring the end of the relationship…

b. Identify what it is he truly needs in a good romantic relationship! Starting with: one where he doesn’t have to promise to “not tell anyone” about what’s going on…

c. Determine his lessons from this relationship, so he can be himself, truly be her friend, be present to others in his life (like you), and be receptive for his next romantic relationship!... Stay involved in HIS LIFE!

Spiritually, your friend and this woman contracted to learn lessons from each other. Either they’re done with their contract in this lifetime, or there’s more to do in a different phase. He has a glorious opportunity here to learn, and your support to inspire him. It’s time he stop emotionally stalking his past!

~ Namasté ~
Mitch

** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** **

Dear Mitch,

I need your help. I was raised in the Catholic Church, but I’m no longer Catholic, or even spiritual. My wife was raised an Athiest, and we’re comfortable with our decision not to belong to, or raise our children with, a religion. The problems come from my parents.

My parents disapprove of our belief and show disregard for our decisions. They disapproved of my marriage outside the church, and they strongly opposed our decision to not baptize our children. Despite our repeated requests to respect our decision, my parents try to incorporate religion into my family! They give my family religious gifts (like our ever-growing, never-displayed nativity scene). Every Sunday, they call and invite us to church. We can’t leave our children with my parents because they are receiving conflicting messages.

I don’t want to sever ties with my parents, Mitch, as I appreciate everything else about them. However, we’re rapidly approaching a point of no return. What can we do to help my parents respect our beliefs and our decisions?

Amazed at This

.......................
Hey Amazed!

George Burns said, “Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city”!

So, juggling conflicting family roles!...

• Your prime responsibility: powerful unity with your wife, establishing and maintaining a powerful foundation for your marriage and for your childrens’ future.

• Communicating – Keeping “on the same page” with your wife – empowering your decisions, and your communication with your parents. If your parents can see you and your wife as strong, they may feel you have what they want for you, and drop the proselytizing!

• If you haven’t already, please acknowledge your parents for the fact that they care enough to eagerly advocate for… well, whatever they’re advocating for.

• Once you’ve determined the role of extended family like your parents, you may wish to sit them down and explain that in your nuclear family, you and your wife have established your values, and that your parents gave you core values which you honor in your marriage family (credit your parents for teaching/modeling some values you can name).

• Explain to your parents that you and your wife feel uncomfortable with the constant messages about their religion, and that this makes you feel alienated from your parents, and unable to trust that they’re supportive of what you want for your family.

My friend, you can only learn and speak your truth. What your parents do with it is their choice. Hopefully, they want you to have a marriage and family grounded in good values and love, versus needing to enroll you in their religion. They may make it evident that your family’s strength and happiness is secondary to their need to enroll…

Your charge is your current and the younger generation – Live consciously, and listen with your heart ~

~ Namasté ~
Mitch

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