ADVICE: Cancer Concerns

Mitch Darnell offer Advice on Life inn response to readers questions.

Dear Mitch,
I know this sounds crazy, but here it is: Two of my closest family members have just beat Cancer, and I’m having a really hard time with the holidays coming up. Both my Father and my favorite Aunt have seriously been through hell, Mitch. The doctors say both are now free of any Cancer cells. But I don’t know what’s wrong with me, I just can’t relax.

What kind of daughter and niece am I? I should be celebrating that they beat that evil, nasty beast! It was so scary. This last year and a half have been the worst of my life. My Aunt had two bouts with Cancer! Two surgeries, PLUS all of that chemo. If you’ve ever seen someone go through chemo, you know how lucky you are. My dad had one episode of Cancer, surgery, radiation, and chemo.

I feel out of it. My family doesn’t tell any of us anything unless we pry, pry, and pry again. So, I’m not sure what’s happening. I want to cry. Plus, why my dad and my Aunt Carla? Both of them are so good to everyone. Why does god do bad (stuff) to so good people?

Now the family is talking about the holidays. I just want to shut down and hide! Help me, please!

Terrified of the “C”,

San Luis Obispo, CA

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Dear Terrified,

I start many of my columns off with a little light humor. While humor can help, Cancer’s reach is omnipresent.

You’re definitely not crazy. You have the right to feel as you feel. No one can ever take away your right to feel a certain way.

• There seems to be a some “unsettled business” with your Father’s and/or your Aunt’s Cancer… At least for you; maybe for others. This IS QUITE normal. Treatment success doesn’t necessarily mean every feels like they’re individually and collectively “complete”. Everyone close to a Cancer victim is affected, and each processes at his/her own rate…

• Meanwhile, “the holidays” have become quite an inspirational/triggering/upsetting dynamic for people, haven’t they? Many people have some mixed feelings about our end-of-year holidays, particularly Christmas!

So, take a deep breath. You are a valuable human being with valid concerns, fears and needs. The same goes for your family members… First remember: You don’t have to “do”, or “be” anything!

Daily life bombards us with multiple stressors. Contemporary US life is exhausting, even overwhelming. Now, on the spiritual/energy level, you’ve drawn two family health and vitality reminders, and the “holidays”! I bet a LOT of readers can “relate” to your feelings!

You know…

° I notice you refer to “us” needing to pry to get information. Do you have siblings or other family to connect with? Your note doesn’t tell me much about what’s transpired when you do “pry”. Sometimes we need “space” or “time” before we’re ready to discuss something. Are you connecting with family members to get information, understanding, connection and possible “closure”?

° Some people feel embarrassed to discuss health issues. Maybe you can join with someone in your family who sees opportunities. This can be an opportunity to bond, to support your father and aunt, and to learn about specifics of their Cancers for the children. See if you’re not the only one who feels concerned, scared or otherwise could benefit from communication.

While Cancer is a horrible demon to endure, it may be a messenger implicating genetic predisposion(s), and/or lifestyle or cognitive-behavioral patterns which contribute(d) to health maladies. Always good to start with online research to find out the general facts around Cancer issues.

° What are your beliefs about “the holidays”?

• Are they a time to “forget about life’s challenges” and to just be with family?

• What about holidays do you like or love? What do you dislike?

• The holidays are NOT what toy, perfume, jewelry, etc., etc. manufacturers and marketing companies present! They CAN be a time of healing, love and remembering the “things that really count” in life…

° This may be hard to absorb… Everything in life is an opportunity to learn. That includes Cancer, my friend. What can you, and your family learn about themselves and your family? Maybe it’s the Gifts … of having your Father and your Aunt.. of Family… of Living!

Every Family member is a Gift: Holidays are opportunities to connect with our blessings!

Namaste,

Mitch

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Mitch Darnell, MA, OM

Relationship Coach & Wedding Officiant

tel: 916/247.1655; Online: www.ForeverInspired.net; www.SacGroom.com

http://www.linkedin.com/profile?viewProfile=&key=21629358&locale=en_US&trk=tab_pro

eM: ForeverInspired@surewest.net

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ADVICE - on Love, Romance...Good Stuff!!!

Whoah!... February!! In the midst of mass-media panic over our economy, real homes and jobs losses, global warming, mounting public health issues - AND and our post-holidays gray-skied “blues”.. we’re consistently reminded this month to “stop and smell the roses”… to think of love, romance and good stuff!

Writing this column, I’ve received TONS of letters about all kinds of relationship challenges – Neighbors; Family Members; Partnerships; Marriages; Kids; Bosses; Co-Workers; Cashiers… You name it!! …All while technology tweaks interpersonal connection and intimacy…

Is it just me? Or, does it feel like we’re becoming ever more isolated - and lacking trust to acknowledge or even interact with others?

Where’s Our Sense of HUMOR?!

Here’s one: “You become upset when a person calls you on the phone to sell you something, but you think it's okay for a computer to call and demand that you start pushing buttons on your telephone to receive more information about the product it is selling!” Source: www.basicjokes.com

Now, you don’t need another scolding about what you “should” be doing!... Maybe we could all use a little perspective tune-up, however!..

• Walking into the Men’s Locker Room @ Cal Fit the other day, something happened which I don’t recall experiencing since, oh, the 1970’s… My “excuse me” and look at the face of another guy I was passing was actually returned in kind!!! My God!! Someone looked me in the eye, and said, “Excuse me” in a way which communicated:

Ø Respect

Ø Courtesy

Ø “I’m not irritated that you’re momentarily in my world”

I was stunned! Then, as I reached my locker it happened again! Both times, by gentlemen who looked to be at least 60 years of age… Reminding me of “a different age” – the way I was taught to be a man – respectful, honest, willing to be wrong or not know something – all in the name of supporting others and of gaining knowledge and connection….

“Nowadays”, most of our “run-ins with strangers” interactions have become focused on:

# 1: “Maintain my space…” – Don’t let anyone in!

# 2: “Don’t do anything that could cause further interaction!” - Get past the other person ASAP!

# 3: “Be socially - and politically-correct!” - Can’t say anything that someone can construe as sexual, derogatory, or any other of a million litigation-liable transgressions!

# 4: “Gosh, I hope to hell I didn’t know that person! Pray I didn’t come over as ‘rude’.. That wasn’t my child’s teacher was it?”... I don’t want to look “wrong”!

• It’s a lot easier to eMail, text… anything in techno-space than to deal with all of the “kooks”… even in our own homes!

• “There are No Coincidences” – Spirit/Physics/God puts people in our lives for a reason!

• Our shrinking planet (see MySpace, global ecological realities, regional wars involving global axes’ soldiers…) has dramatically increased the demands for socially-complex “awareness”..

So, If you lived in a group of 99 people, and one more is added, you’d then see 99 new relationships! Seems like SO MANY people are overwhelmed, stressed and/or depressed by the dramatic social complexity of today’s life! Hey!.. I hate the fact that 99% of the people who drive down my street are people I don’t know, and I never will!

“Community”… where’d that go?

Here’s another one: My nephew recently headed off for his first semester away at college on a music scholarship. Off to Los Angeles and big-city campus life! I called him about a month after he’d settled in, to see how he was doing…

"This is awesome, Uncle Mitch!," he exclaimed, "but the students in my dorm are kinda freaky! Dude in the dorm next to me bangs his head against the wall ‘til like midnight every night! And the guy in the room above me stomps around ‘til midnight! And I gotta listen to floor below’s stereo blasting ‘til the middle of the night!"

I asked, "Why don't you complain to your Dorm Supervisors?"

"Ah, it’s not really that big a deal," my nephew says... "I'm usually up quietly practicing my trombone until that time anyway."

• Sometimes, the very interactions/frustrations we rue the most are foundations to a relationship we’d sorely miss otherwise (see Jim Carrey’s character in “CLICK”)!

As there are no “coincidences”, Even current phenomenon can be looked at for positive potential!... For example:

• “Political Correctness” = Opportunity to really look at other humans as our equals, versus as someone to be categorized.

• This shrinking planet = Opportunity to get past divisive trends (like “racial differences”, “religious wars”, tyranny, slavery…) and unite to combat this threat to our very existence.

• Loss of courtesy/respect/empathy = Opportunity to ROLE MODEL the best a human can be for others!!

As a means of communication – keeping it “light”, not personalizing every moment, and allowing everyone to feel “OK”… humor/jokes are time-tested means getting along with people and of adding just a bit of light in this world we share! If not meant to create distance – instead to create a brief sense of affiliation – humor rocks!

And, during spiritual and/or seasonal “WINTER”, this is a time to lovingly look within… To find the good starting in our hearts, in those we love… and in our fellow humans!

Stay tied to the positive (like what you see in reading “Health & Fitness” magazine; checking out www.TwinSoup.com, and in connecting with community @ www.westcountygazette.com )!

KNOW THIS: There’s lots of good in this world; humans can thrive and get past our contemporary struggles, and that there’s always a good laugh in there somewhere!

George Carlin once said:

“If love is blind… why is lingerie so popular?”


…February: Love It!

Namasté ~ Mitch

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ViewPoint Inspired - Advice on Eating Habits

Mitch Darnell offers advice on personal matters to readers. Contact Mitch with your questions via e-mail at foreverinspired@surewest.net.

Dear Mitch,

Recently I've been spending way too much time thinking about my eating habits. I would say that, in general, I'm a pretty healthy eater. I don't eat fast food, drink soda, or consume sugar or (much) artificial sweetener. I keep my portions under control and try to stay away from any fried or processed food while sticking mostly to fish, salads, sushi, etc. The only negative things I can pinpoint about my diet are that I often have to pass on breakfast (I'm ALWAYS running late) and I often work till midnight or later at my job so I either don't eat dinner or eat really late.

Lately, I've been feeling really guilty every time I eat. I know that I'm trying to eat as healthy as I can, but I just get this unexplainable guilt that's telling me that I'm eating too much even when I know I'm not. I start to feel like I'm going to gain weight, and at times feel like I have gained weight (when in reality I haven't). I live a very active lifestyle, work out pretty regularly, and am in good shape so WHY am I feeling like this all the time? Is this normal and or healthy, and if not how can I change my attitude?

Good ‘N Guilty
Granite Bay
∞ ∞ ∞ ∞ ∞ ∞ ∞ ∞ ∞ ∞ ∞ ∞ ∞ ∞ ∞ ∞ ∞ ∞ ∞ ∞ ∞ ∞ ∞ ∞ ∞

Hey Good,

“Don't let love interfere with your appetite. It never does with mine!” – Anthony Trollope

The fact that you’re reaching out to get information says to me you’re a pretty healthy person! Meanwhile, MANY of us have conflicting relationships with food!!

I’m not a food issues specialist. Meanwhile, I certainly can relate to the many stories we all hear and repeat about food, like: “eating too much” or “too little”… “dieting”… and, well, about 10,000 other narratives…

To be honest, your story sounds like a pretty “normal” person dealing with life’s stress and challenges. In the meantime…

º If’s there’s any possibility of this being a serious, health and/or life-threatening issue, definitely contact your doctor immediately. For examples, if…

∙ Those who love you have expressed relevant genuine concern - the key being “genuine
concern”. Many people declare “concerns” which are really fear-based thoughts that may have
no bearing on your own reality and/or are truly expressions of other agendas (such as a need to
criticize others, or to be a caretaker, or….).

∙ Your weight “yo-yos” or has taken an extreme loss or increase – Note: A doctor can tell you what is “extreme” – of concern.

∙ You have eating-related habits which concern you or loving family or friends.

These are all situations which should be brought to your doctor’s attention. If she/he sees a need to provide you with direction and/or resources for “help”, perhaps you’re on track to gain some control over something that’s not working well for you.

Meanwhile, your doctor is a trained professional with his/her own subjective opinion. He/she can be a good resource, but you’re best advocate is your own self. Research is very easy today via the internet. Just know that no two persons’ experiences are the same. What may sound like “my situation” may really be a projection of another’s challenges!

Your question is about guilt feelings “every time (you) eat”. That’s a bummer… And your answer(s) may come from a variety of areas…

º Some people experience symptoms of childhood-based messages. These messages may
subside in our subconscious for years, suddenly revealing themselves in response to unknown
triggers. Common “triggers” may include:

¤ Reaching a certain age – such as the age at which a parent experienced something
apparently relevant to food, eating, lifestyle habits…

¤ Entering a specific life stage – such as the age at which a parent experienced… (like the
age item, above)…

¤ Experiencing a “normal” biological or psychological activity or challenge – you know,
like a child moving, job change, aging, injury, someone’s pregnancy, winning a
drawing… It’s amazing how many otherwise innocuous, or seemingly unrelated
experiences can be psychosomatically connected to eating symptoms.

¤ Experiencing life’s increasing stressors! Your lifestyle sounds like almost everyone
nowadays… Trying to “keep up” just to “maintain”. Our hyper data-overload lives
(24/7 bombardment from the internet & cellphones) are commanding our resources,
leaving most of us with little or no feelings of control over our lifestyle behaviors and
choices.

∞ SPECIAL NOTE: The fact that, “…almost 70% of our corn, 90% of our soy and 75% of our processed food now contain neurotoxins, novel proteins and allergens” can mean psycho-emotional responses could result from these facts! What we eat dramatically affects our entire being!
(Quote source: www.americanchronicle.com/articles/57824)

You sound like someone who strives to be responsible… probably are handling an ever-increasing load of responsibilities… and might be a bit overwhelmed?!... Possibly even feeling a bit “out of touch” with your own self! Mix in a dose of guilt for being imperfect, and the myriad of conflicting stories about what’s “good” and “bad” to eat…

Anyone out there who never feels inadequate and ineffective sometimes?! If so, you are a guru!

◊ Your life is a marathon. Consider the possibility that you can maintain an awareness
which allows you to define your current lifestyle as a “stage” … And that you can set goals
for your next stage(s) which honor how you’d like to live your life overall during this
marathon!

◊ Some good habits (like daily deep breathing and drinking lots of water) can reduce some
of the consequences of stress and/or poor life habits.

◊ How would you feel if one of your friends or family members were saying exactly what
you’re declaring. What might you tell him or her… particularly about their value as a
human being?

◊ As Mr. Trollope said, “ Don't let love interfere with your appetite”. While that’s a
humorous proclamation, there is a nugget there. How does your search for love
and/or acceptance relate to food? Any connection with your deeper desires and needs?

¤ Perhaps it’s time to develop a new relationship with eating and food. Some options…

◊ www.americanchronicle.com/articles/57824 - “Our Intimate Relationship With
Food” – great articles.

◊ Dr. Jim Donoghue, a uniquely integrous, empowering Chiropractor here in
Sacramento is always a great resource! Contact him: 916/486.2663. His Clinic
(“Advantage Chirocare”) is at: 2410 Fair Oaks Blvd., #226, Sacto., 95825!

◊ Summit Eating Disorders & Outreach Program: http://www.sedop.org/

Using any illicit drugs is almost a sure ticket to mind-body-spirit problems. Concurrently, over-the-counter or prescription drugs can trigger uncomfortable or even dangerous emotions and/or physical symptoms .

As I noted earlier, do your research and know that no one will care for yourself as well as you can... As long as you allow yourself to be imperfect, appreciate the stress load you’re carrying in life, and love yourself for being one of God’s children… as you are.

Namasté ~
Mitch

∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞

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